Blessings beautiful ones, and happy Full Moon in Cancer.
I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride, with this potent goddess energy piercing my soul, heart, third eye, and even into my dreams. I'm going through a relation-shift with my beloved, setting each other free so we can truly live and flourish in every moment. I'm feeling my heart cords being pulled, as they are still in love with him, but reality has told me, actually SCREAMED at me to move on...for now.
Yes, I still want to wake up to him every morning, well almost every morning. I know he still misses me and is confused at this recent change of events. We will always deeply care and love each other, but I live in Los Angeles, and he lives in the SF bay area, and it's just too much to manage a long distance relationship that isn't going anywhere. We were fighting each other's philosophies and paradigms on life. He needs to get happy on his own, and not be dependent on me for well, anything. I want to support him in his full flourishing in life, and it just wasn't happening by having this long-distance relationship dynamic. So maybe some time apart will be good for both of us to focus on what is really important in our lives.
Which, for me is my tantra and yogic practice! I'm SOO stoked AND challenged by a month-long intensive I'm doing with Psalm Isadora (psalmisadorayoga.com). She's an amazing yogini and teacher of the Varma-Marga path, which I feel like embraces all of life. The flesh, bone and body of existence. The wheel of life and death that Kali so graciously keeps spinning for us so we can wake the fuck up within the "dream". We are welcoming the Goddess into our bodies, into our lives, and bowing to this mysterious energy that we breathe in and out, mostly unconsciously. So we've committed to a month of celibacy, which means NO ORGASM until the end, which I've already failed, but hey, I'm going to start over tomorrow!!
Part of our homework is to read excerpts from fascinating texts, such as the Hua Hu Ching, a secret text by Lao Tzu.
You can read about his insights here;
http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/sources/taoist
So through elevating our sexual and conscious awareness, we can touch into the Divine, a feeling of immortality which mysteriously exists within this mortal body. I feel like LOVE is another way to touch immortality; it lives on Forever. My love for my beloved only grows stronger, even though we are apart right now. I know he still holds me in his heart, and I hold him in mine.
If you want to explore eternal love in a visual display of epic proportions, rent "The Fountain". it is a love story touching on transcendence, the fountain of life, non-attachement, and yes, immortality. By cultivating spiritual energy, can we really live on forever? What part of us dies when we "die"? What part of us lives on? How does elevating our consciousness in this life effect how we incarnate in the next? REALLY how does spiritual wisdom live on forever within our higher selves? I know for example, that the Dalai Lama keeps reincarnating as himself, and retains all of the practice and hard work he attained in a previous life. I believe he is very close to "enlightenment" or liberation from suffering, but he still will have to chop wood and carry water.
Which brings me back to human existence and the Tantric path. It is a path of embodiment, embracing reality, just as it is. This path is about working from the most gross, dense, earthly energy up to the most refined, blissful, still and peaceful white light. Tantra is the weaving between the two; red and white, feminine and masculine, moon and sun, earth and sky. We of course want to work with the more still, Shiva like properties while still embracing the body as a vehicle, as our capability to work magic right now. We don't need mantras or yantras, or anything outside of ourselves to be completely free and powerful. All knowledge and wisdom is within if we only tune in. It's important to ground spiritual awakening/epiphanies into the here and now. Let's not just float away in fantasy shiva land, no. Shakti wants enlightened embody consciousness to dance with; that is TRUE mastery. Presence. Deep caring, compassionate presence, penetrating any part of my being that isn't true. A Shiva light that burns through any artificial part of my being. A shiva that can see through any lies that I told to myself. any part of myself that is not in full integrity. A man that can see through the veils of maya and tell me the TRUTH. Not the sugar coated candy truth, but the truth. That is all we ever owe each other. And I felt like my last relationship reflected that for me. He was a powerful teacher, and he would lay the truth down thick sometimes!!!
SOOOOO what am I really calling into this transitional/transformational energy!? My chart is destined, as of today to launch some of these ideas into film. I wish to create something you can have in your hands such as a DVD by the end of this year, or maybe even a series on HBO around Tantric Healing and Sacred Sexuality. I wish to create more core strength in my body, and a more grounded, lustrous mind. I desire to get to know my own chakra system more experientially, not just read about them in books. I would love to master my own energy so that i'm not broken down, drained and tired. I wish to create endless, bountiful healing energy for myself and the planet. My biggest dream is to see me and my closest beloveds living in Temple Consciousness; being one with Spirit and the elements around us; not being so tied to the rat race of the GRID in LA; living in the jungle, off the land, and singing songs to each other; at least half of the Year!
Hence why I'm going to Costa Rica in March...will be speaking to that more soon!
With love,
Lauviah's Rose
(Lauren hAhA)
