Dreams Do Come True

A Personal Story from last March....

Dreams do come true if you set the grid right.

Mysteries aren’t exposed by effort, but by complete and utter effortless release of all expectation. Then the magic can really happen.

Throwing an event is like a mad science experiment; I know all of the elements of the perfect alchemy, but the dosage of all factors must be exact; otherwise you have too much fire, or not enough to keep people engaged and entertained.

So I threw a Company Launch Party as part of this grand experiment; can I truly welcome complete strangers into a magical environment of Sensual Intrigue?

Well, I found out that I could. It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t seamless, but it was definitely a success.

Some call me bold for mixing the Entrepreneur/CEO/Businessman with the underground culture of the SF and LA dance community that I’ve been involved in for the last 10 years. I thought it was the perfect excuse to see if oil mixes with water. Or at least how the oil can entertain the water, in which the case where the water element is rarely exposed to this alternate reality of utter and complete freedom.

What I represent to the corporate world could be a whole essay unto of itself, such as Luscious Expressionism, Wild Abandon, Feminine Fierceness, Cutting-Edge Creativity, and an Inability to sacrifice my own happiness for any amount of money.

We all want to live our dreams and live abundantly. But many do not take the risk to see if they can actually accomplish both.

I have set out to do this…and in a few years, I’m confident I will have a great model of mixing business with pleasure.

My business is your pleasure, and your pleasure is my business!!

I’m beginning a new company, Seduction Productions, in which we will be producing an Erotically charged environment in which I invite people back into their bodies, their hearts, and their sensuality in order to live a more fulfilling and connected life. One in which they are so excited, they are screaming “Fuck YEAH!” regularly. I mean if you’re not excited, then what are you living for? I’m here to push the envelope of people’s comfort zones, to push just a little bit beyond the edge. And sensuality seems to be the perfect medium to draw people into my realm of Magical Elevated Realm of Ecstasy.

I breathe it, I live it, I am it. Now it’s time for me to share it on a larger level; first national, then perhaps globally.

I am on a mission to Seduce the entire planet into an internal awakening that sexual energy is God’s way of telling them that they are loved; sex is love, expressed, enlivened, vibrating, pulsating nectar of the Gods.

We are only afraid of it because sexual energy is so easy to abuse. But what if we were truly free to endlessly express and empower ourselves through this force called Eros? Would we be happier? More alive? Would we smile more? Would we be nicer to each other? Maybe we would fight fewer wars! Maybe there would be more mouths fed. Or maybe this whole planet would fall apart because we were all to busy making love all the time.

So back to my original story;

I threw a party and my fantasy of having two men at once came true.

I was playing the sensual muse at the party; there were about 30 people there, various levels of comfort levels and corporate status; the men were there to be teased and turned on, but a little apprehensive about what their co-workers might think of them if they engaged sexually with someone.

Well I ripped this apart a little.

I started with my Strawberry Fairy persona.

I fed a young gorgeous man a strawberry from my hands, and the experience is almost like kissing them; you find out how sensitive they are by how they eat and revel in this sensual fruit, which could also represent a part of the female anatomy.

He took his time; turned me on, and took even more time. He took tiny bites and reveled every last bit of it. Then I put the strawberry on my neck and he licked it up. His dark and luscious lips were oozing with sexuality. But one thing began to happen; he began to get attached to me. He thought if I “picked him” or since I was engaging with him sexually, that I liked him, and wanted to engage with him further.

The sexy muse didn’t think so.

I engaged with a few other people at the party. I continued my strawberry game to see who could handle this tease without getting attached to the outcome.

I spotted a young hip-hop tattoo artist whom I picked out of the conference invite to my party; I couldn’t quite figure him out, or if I liked him or not; but there’s only one way to figure that out; inspect their insides!

I fed Gijón a strawberry; just to see how he took it in; how he acted…it was a nice experience, and he tried to kiss me on the cheek, which I didn’t let him; only I was in control, and the men had to behave!

At some point in the night, after mingling with all the guests, I returned to the kitchen, and he took out another strawberry, and with the fridge open, started to feed me another strawberry. I was a bit more open to his energy now, his vibe, who he was…and I let him make out with me a little more. We made out, a long, drawn out kiss with the fridge still open, getting lost in each other's mouths. 

Then my girlfriend pulled me over to the couch, and we started cuddling, purring, giggling and cooing like girlfriends often do! We moved to the floor where my other mysterious Scorpio-lover was. He’s a fashion designer from SF, and painfully seductive. With dark curly hair, and flirtacious eyes, Salem’s seduction seems perfectly escapable, but it rarely ever is. With his innocently provocative eyes, and delicate hands, he held Destiny’s feet, and I supported her head on the other side. She was completely surrendered and open to my energy. We began twisting her and stretching her, vibrating and massaging her until she was in full orgasmic kundalini convulsions. She was screaming and moaning in her pleasure even though we were nowhere near her genitals. The universe was opening inside her body, and Salem and I were just holding space for all of this orgasmic energy to move through. At some point I set her down and lay her back on the ground. 

I lay back on the ground, in blissful content, near a little corner by the DJ booth, kind of hard to get to. But Gijon persevered; he came over to feed me another strawberry…I think we started to kiss…then he started to kiss my belly, then lower and lower, inching his tongue near my belly button, then. I was wearing a short skirt, which he flipped upside down and moved his mouth towards my black and white stripped underwear. He moved that aside and started to eat my strawberry.

The rest is her story.

The rendezvous didn’t end with him until 7 or 8 in the morning! While Gijon was lusciously going to town on my strawberry, I caught Salem's eyes from across the room. I gave him a "come hither" look. He snuck around to my mouth, and started making out with me.

First his wet lips dipped into my forbidden waters of elated dampness, I couldn’t believe I just let him go down on me so fast, but sometimes things are just “right.”

He continued his sensual magic on my little buttons of love, while Salem aroused my lips with his tongue. It’s unexplainable how a woman feels being unconditionally worshipped by two attractive men who consider my pleasure their absolute priority. Every time I looked into Gijon’s eyes, another level of rapture in his face would reveal itself, another layer of his deep sensuality would come out and tell me “You are the only one here right now. There is nothing else but your pleasure!”

I was still lying on the floor, writhing around as the partygoers scattered out of the party, except Gijon’s two friends who came, but didn’t get any action.

Finally we decided to move to the couch, and to get a little friendlier. We decided it would be necessary to use some protection, and Salem went running to the other room to grab some; he could only find two wrappers, so we knew we would have to use them wisely, which is a little tricky when we were so high.

The desire for this new man, this new tiger, Gijon, a heavily tattooed business entrepreneur who was absolutely worshipping and adoring my every crevice, who was bowing to my being, my beauty, my pussy, my glory, my strength, was unbelievable. Every look he gave me turned me on even more. He persistently took in every little nuance of my pussy into his being.

 I was ready for Gijon’s cock first; the thrill of a new ride never gets old. My pussy would vibrate, my spine would undulate with his every touch and nuance. He had power over me, and I wanted to completely surrender onto his rod. He sat up on the couch, and I mounted him, my head curled back and I’m sure I screamed. There was nothing else; the room was spinning, I was riding, I couldn’t stop. I’m sure Salem was entertaining us somehow, but I’m not sure what he was doing. 

He would get me even hotter whenever he would say “come on my cock baby, I want you to come on my cock” and my pussy would tremble with delight in the thought of my juices dripping onto him, a reward for all of his hard work on my pussy. But to no prevail. She wasn’t going come so soon.

I rode him until he came, which is my favorite part of the whole experience. There's nothing that turns me on more than when I know a man is coming inside of me.

When I was done with him, or rather after he succumbed to the release of the ecstatic tension, we moved onto Salem’s specialty; riding me long, hard, deep and fast, getting all of the kinks worked with the most sublime rhythm. We have been lovers off and on for 6 years, so our familiarity feeds into our comfort, but never compromises the sauce factor.  I’m not sure what level of slut this makes me, but I think I graduated to another level; I mean, I have had sex with two men in a 24 hour period, but never like this before.  

Salem entered me as I was reclined on the couch in a comfortable position. He rode me, as I lay back on the couch, and Gijon's cock was at my mouth. One end of lingam at my pussy, and another one at my mouth was quite the conductor of energy; I loved having two positively charged poles at both epicenters of my being; talk about feeling feminine! I would lick Gijon's cock by my face, and feel Salem's cock inside me, as I licked Gijon's cock to perfection, my head would spiral down into newfound waves of pleasure and excitement. I must have been screaming for 2 hours straight. Gijon’s cock is like creamy butter, and his power spirals out the tip straight into my soul. I was the energy moving through two conductors; my energy would spin up.

We were so synergistic, we felt like one moving unit; at some point I sat on Gijon’s face while Salem rode me from behind.  Seriously. Everyone must try this at least once!

The experience ended as the Sun was rising over the Vegas City Lights, and Salem found another threesome to jump into in the other room.

Gijon and I cuddled until morning; covered in a partied glow, I didn’t want to separate from him. I think we had sex one more time in the shower that morning, and once more that evening before we left.

But one thing was left unchanged; his undying attention on me until we parted ways; he treats me like a lady in every moment, tending to my every need and desire, making sure he’s accomplishing what is needed, while simultaneously making sure I’m happy.

It’s a delicate balance in a relationship in social situations to network and make sure your partner is taken care of.

And now he’s coming out to visit me in Cali from two state lines away.  Our hearts are now somehow bonded; there is this unspoken agreement of love and kinship and alliance; I am going to propel him into success, and he is, me. We’re beginning a dream team alliance in which we will catapult our dreams into being.  And neither of us will stop at mediocrity.

Update coming soon.

4/5/12

Gijon visited me last Friday. My heart, full of yearning and anticipation counted down the days from Monday, then all of the hours when he arrived Thursday night at midnight. We knew we liked each other in Vegas; but was this love real or just a faccade of sparkling lights and drugs? What was lasting in the chambers of the heart?

He sent me a teaser picture before he got on the plane of his beltline, where I could just barely see the top of his groins, and his flawless ivory skin. I could feel his heat radiating off of him, I was already seduced by the thought of him being near me soon.

I picked him up at the bustling LAX airport around 11:30pm. He had a calm and cool swagger, and a heart so open that daggers can pierce it and remain ruthlessly open.

We embraced, perhaps kissed, and drove away back to my little temple home closer to the east side of LA. His eyes were innocent, his body relaxed, and I’m sure his heart was ever curious. He’s in the middle of trying to escape an on-going unhealthy relationship, which is tied between two kids. I’m playing the mistress of delight, full of grand illusions because everything is greener on the other side of the fence. And it might as well be a full jungle of love, because new love is always more exciting and thrilling; dopamine and all sorts of bonding chemicals are being released in the brain.

Old love must be deeply cultivated with respect and compassion; when those fall away, the forest dwindles to a few scarce, dead leaves, dried bushes and trees that have no more life in them. Tending to the garden of relationships is probably one of the most difficult things to do; it is where we learn our richest lessons about who we are, and who we really want to be. It digs up the most deplorable of roots; how we learned our old behaviors, and whom we need to forgive. Blame always digs you deeper; if you want to thrive in a relationship, one must always take ownership of one’s own seed or emotional state, the other partner is here to shine his or her glory upon you; to hold your hand, but not to hold you up. You must hold your own, or you’re going to prevent both of you from growth.

So he’s in the middle of this battle of wanting to grow to be the biggest, strongest tree in the forest, and he’s constantly being hacked down with a sharp axe by his ex partner, that just a mere glimpse of sunlight is like heaven singing to his soul. And for now, I am that sunlight; the sun that is saying, “there is another way, just reach higher, and your soul will soar amongst the treetops of freedom.”

And within all of this entanglement is my heart, my feeling and emotions of getting attached to a man who is not free, who is entangled in another family unit, who doesn’t live in the state; let’s just say he’s not quite ready to uproot, despite his words of wanting to move to California. So here I am, my heart left open, vulnerable, and exposed, tender meat. Every word he says I can feel; he is a deep and passionate man, sincere with his intentions, and doing his best. And I’m doing my best to flow without expectations of this going anywhere.

Which is not easy when his warm knife cuts into my chalice like a hot blade through ice cream.  He rides me like the most skilled horseman, with a steady gallop while still maintaining the upmost level of sensitivity. It’s like he’s an erotic sculptor, molding my insides with his warm and loving intention into the most beautiful grail to hold his love.

But of course poetry is a glorification of reality; there’s always another level up and down. But for now I prefer the glorification.

We made love. We had sex. We got down and dirty. He saw another possibility of another life being lived in another way. And it will be a half a year before he can really make any changes to be with me. So how does one keep their heart open, while knowing this person is not free to be yours?

It’s a funny aching; I’m excited, then disappointed; opened, then closed.

The truth is that one only has oneself. EVER. I can fall into being attached to someone; fall into the illusion that God’s love comes from them. But really he is only showing me a reflection of myself; which is my desire and capacity to be in relationship with the beloved. I’m not sure if he believes me that I want a relationship. But there is a deep yearning inside my heart to bond with someone, to build a life, to assist one another in each other’s goals and aspirations. To come home to someone, to wake up next to them, and to build a sustainable life structure I believe is imprinted on human desire.  If he’s not the one that’s fully ready for my full power, then I’m confident they’re out there somewhere; I am very much cultivating and desiring a match, an equal, a co-pilot to life. May I be blessed with perfect timing, perfect synchronization.

April 15

Lucidity festival teaching me the fluidity of love. I can hug a friend, and years have gone by and the love that is exchanged in that moment carried on exactly where it was left years before. I can fully be my luscious, lovely self, delighting in love and affection with all of them.

Being massaged on the ground in a group, with hands adoring, putting my body back to where it belongs

Salem-two nights ago..still steamy, still deep in ways I have never felt before. But somehow my body still yearned for Gijon, for the raw passion, for the way his face looks when he’s inside of me, to hear his man groans, to watch his stomach move like a snake seducing it’s prey. He plays me, he turns me around and over, never missing a beat of love making, always flipping me in new directions. I miss him. He’s far away, his voice fades further and further from reality and closer and closer to a memory. He told me things my heart wanted to hear, and played my desire for something deeper. He asked to be in relationship with me. He asked me if I would welcome in his kids. He asked me in one way or another if I could be in a relationship with him. These are not normal words coming out of a man’s mouth after having one casual sexual encounter. These are words that carry weight, that imply a future, that imply building a life with one another.

The truth is that I did want him like that. That my psyche was preparing to welcome him to my life. My heart would drop open when he would talk like that. Just playing on my desire because he cannot fulfill that destiny.

April 23^rd.

A month after our first meeting has passed.

And my heart has grown fonder of him, yet the distance has grown as well.

It’s been difficult to get a real conversation out of him, but when I do I know his words are real. I said, “ I just don’t want to be played on my desire.”

His heart deepens and he replies, “ you could just as easily hurt me too, sweety.” And I know he’s right.

Yet he travels home from Disneyland, being a good dependable father, 45 minutes away from me in California, and I cannot see him.

I have to keep reminding myself HE’S NOT AVAILABLE.

Falling in love with an engaged man who promises things to you is NOT a healthy thing. We can’t have each other, and if we do right now that means he’s cheating on his girlfriend, and leaving his two boys behind to have his fun time.

He needs to clear his shit up. And until that’s clear, I just can’t have my heart stretched along the Southwest words of promise; that he promises he’ll come see me soon. I know he’s good for his word with me. But I’m not sure if it’s good enough that he’ll actually leave his engagement, his house, his kids and move out to California.

One thing that I’ve learned over the years is that the heart is completely irrational. Usually when you talk about a boy to your girlfriends, and your girls roll their eyes, it means he’s not good for you. And they’re usually right. They can smell out all of the smoke in mirrors because the love magic doesn’t work on them. But I am so stuck in his maze; mostly stuck because he genuinely cared about me and wasn’t afraid to let me know.