Queens Versus Aces.. All in or Fold?

I'm not really sure how I am supposed to feel now. Part of me thinks I should be satisfied because I won; I won him away from his old life, he chased me all over Burningman, he's saying the right words again,.. But my heart goes through weird contractions in the middle of my highway drive from Between the Sunset of Venice to the disk of Hollywood. I have a lot of time to think of him in my car and perhaps this is when I miss him the most. I yearn so badly to be filled to the brim, to be completely overflowing with godly power from my King; the only problem is he hasn't accepted his crown yet. I know our fate, and on some levels he does too, but promises are not his to make. He knows he cannot fail if he does not get on the horse. So he chooses to walk solo on the ground, hands free of the reigns that attach to my heart. He cannot be accused of unfulfilled hopes with me if he makes no word of any future.

He filled my dreams last night somewhere between my sub-conscience and the LA earthquakes. His face, his voice in my hallway, perhaps his spirit really did travel to my house last night to meet me, but his body stayed sound asleep at home, probably next to his Dragon; the Ex, the one torturing him till his last drop excuses him from this life, until every last ounce is wrenched out of his mortal coil.

I see in him immortality. That is how he makes me feel when I am in his presence; imm-fucking-mortal, invincible, unconquerable. Yes I have been yearning for a Kingly figure in my life for many years; the Disney Fairy Tale, the one to ride off with into the sunset;like We will
Live happily ever after; at least in my imagination! Unfortunately the mind does not predict major road blocks, it cannot calculate fate or circumstance, only the Universe has the Upper hand; sometimes you are only left to play the shitty cards you are dealt. I'm in the middle of playing a poker hand with the Milky Way.

I cannot just throw my cards in and forfeit this game; my chips are in, my heart has bet on him, a lover at least more entertaining than anyone before. For a Gemini which boring equals death, I have scored 4 Aces, but they are dangling on a wild Stallion. A lover that fucks the hidden crevices of my soul, revealing my wild Tendrils!! Love can only fill you where you are already full. My gas tank is mostly open to momentary interpretation, and right now I have the middle of my puzzle put together and the picture is beginning to take shape around a solid center, for the heart connection is strong, but the foundation is floating in the clouds and could drift into peripheral precipitation at any moment.

We finally fuck in the hotel bathroom; I was beginning to doubt the power of his cock at all; it had been two months and he lost his sex drive for a while. He still hadn't given me his sauce; the nectar from coming inside of me. Resilience and patience aren't concepts anymore, they are my daily practice with him. He's dosed with a heavy intoxicant by my friend and begins striking the clothes off of me; one thing Is for sure; when he wants it, he really wants it.
Once naked and the tip of his cock almost inside of me, we run into the bathroom for privacy from our two friends in the hotel room.

He straps it up and puts it in. We ride on the granite counter tops; he smothers my mouth with his hand, allowing my psyche to be completely terrified of his power and it works. My insides scream in submission and erotic terror. He is at least twice as strong as me but is generous with his mercy; he chokes me just enough, but never as much as to hurt me. The rest is a blur in my mind.

Eventually we proceed to the bed once my friends have left; he rides me on the bed now and moans with Euphoric Delight. I hear his pleasure growing and growing to a peak... And it happens; after two months of a dry desert, he rides this wave ALL the way to the shore... He comes inside me, of course the liquids trapped by latex.

He pulls it out, hovers his millions of spermal creation above me and jokes

"You want my Sauce?!!" an inside joke since I call him Bunny Sauce, but I haven't gotten a millimeter of his juice since the very beginning back in June.

"Yes!" I say, even though the thought of it on me from the condom doesn't really sound that appealing.

It doesn't matter, he turns it upside down and drizzles his warm sauce all over my chest and belly. I have no choice but to embrace it and spread it all over me. I almost jump immediately into the shower, but I turn around, and request his hands back on my pussy to make me come. No one loves my pussy more than him. No one makes me come like he does. He doesn't just touch my pussy; he temporarily becomes obsessed with it, and puts all of his brain power and lightning attention into it, filling it not just with his physical being, but with his entire essence. Nothing is better.

I'm sure I scream and tremble for minutes, contractions that send me out of my mind. I'm thoroughly fucked and I love it. We feel temporarily complete. Unconquerable, immortal, invincible with his Power.

And, a week later, writing these words, alone, I am back in the same vulnerable position. Will I bet all my chips or fold in resignation?
I'm choosing to play my poker face and let him make the next move.