Drink from my Chalice, Find eternity

August 30th 2011

Yesterday morning began as usual with tea and breakfast served with utmost attention to detail; he arranged the fruit with beauty and care, in the shape of a mandala, drizzled in honey and covered in coconut flakes. We ate in silence, and I could tell something was weighing on his heart. We were happy, but there was and audible block between us. I could´t allow the day to continue with this feeling of only having half access to his heart.

¨Como esta too´ corazón?¨I inquired while laying atop his firm body of muscle and bones. He gazed away, not wanting to confront this feeling in his heart, of loving a woman, only to see her go.

¨It´s hard to explain…¨ his consciousness drifted off to distant memories of lovers gained and lost by distance and time. But here I was, his current lover, wanting his undying affection, even if it meant separation in a week when I board my plane and fly back home to the States.

¨It´s for self defense,¨ he explained more, ¨I love so much, only to see you go. So it´s easier not to feel the love I have for you, to protect my heart.¨  I didn´t want to hear these words. I didn´t want to think about leaving my lover, and this simple life with him, alight temporary. All I want is his undying devotion to me, to us, to our love right now. I can deal with the pain of separation later. But perhaps he was right for he loves so profoundly and can no longer take the breaking of the pieces of his passion to flee into the world of babylon. 

I held him there, stroking his face, telling him that I cared for him, and that for at least these moments, my request is that of presence with each other. He arose quickly, ¨Vamos a la playa!¨ I wasn´t having it. My womb deep inside yearned for the pressure of his exquisite and firm serpent inside of me. I would not let him pass until he surrendered to pleasure. I peeled off my clothes, kissing his skin gently so I could feel the electricity building. Pinning him down with my knees, I rocked gently and slowly on top of him, he didn´t object, and pleasure began to show on his face, like a child tasting his favorite ice cream. I wouldn´t quite let him inside me, just brushing the tip of his cock on the precipice of my crevice, he was only aloud to feel my opening. The giving and revoking pleasure, was a game I could play for quite some time. 

I wouldn´t let him all the way in, and ran into the shower so he would chase me and take me standing up, which was my favorite position with him. The water rushed down our bodies, as if taking part in our pleasure game. He lifted my leg up and tilted his pelvis under mine, driving his thick large cock further into me than was seemingly possible. He drove me against the wall, my body collapsed onto his, completely helpless to his passion, I became like a jelly mold of myself. I cannot hold onto anything, him holding so tightly onto me, the imprint of his hand left on my thigh. His solid and firm frame held me up with ease, gravity would not prevent him from vibrating pleasure through the walls of this shower. I turned around and bent over so he could dance his rod into my 

G-spot even more. It was a demanding stance, yet he galloped like a Stallion Horse,  which commanded juice to overflow from every pore. Every sheath of my body was shaking in delight by him, all the way up to my brain. This still wasn´t enough for the wild stallion, and he lifted me up higher, like a forward piggyback, so no part of me was touching the ground. My bouncing body moved synchronistically with my throbbing lips, up and down his monument. He rode past the sunset of my pussy, showering his male blessing upon my young skin, pulsating there with me for a few tender minutes. Until there was nothing left but love.

Somehow, my pussy did not get enough. The pain of pleasure pushing up against me was like a hot knife, cutting through my psyche, and could only be relieved by orgasm. I pulled him back into bed with me, and sweetly coaxed his fingers to penetrate my screaming tissues, completely overtaken by desire.  I, working my clit, meditated on my pleasure by allowing his love to travel into the more subtle parts of my body. In yoga, there are coverings of our essential self, called Koshas, or sheaths, and at the moment of orgasm, I was sure that he punctured all five, going straight to ananda-maya-kosha, or Supreme Consciousness as Bliss. I gazed into his eyes, now childlike and wide, he gazed into me with a new found purity. I though I had never seen such beauty than his spirit reflected through the devotional gaze of the brown universes of his iris. I´m not sure what love is, or where it comes from, or why it feels so good. My only explanation is that it links us to the truth of who we are, as eternal bliss beings, and even sexual love is a portal through which we get to travel and open to dimensions of vibrating ecstasy inside the body. 

The musky smell of his skin is like mud mixed with blood, semen, and maple sap from the largest tree in the forest. 

Our veins, intertwined like the spirals of the bark of fallen branch.

A heart beat so large, I follow the rhythm to the outer stretches of the universe. 

Everything is contained in everything. 

The entirety of the universe could possibly exist between the firing synapses and neurons in my brain. The possibilities are as endless as the entire cosmos!

 The total Sum of God´s love could be found in this one human heart, a sacred doorway to the One.

Open to me like this, dear lover. Treat me as your God, as this Amrit that you stir with your Vajra sword. Stir the ambrosia of my white sparkling lustrous liquid and drink the elixir of the gods, find the fountain of youth, reach the crown of Enlightenment

Your awakening, found between two opposing poles, is found inside of me.

This is your truth, why are we always limiting ourselves of this love through the conceived distance of earthly miles? 

Love is supreme, travels all distances, and never leaves, for it always was and always will be. 

Your pulse, the unstuck sound linked beyond space-time´s vortices, continues beyond the last earthly breath that you will take, 

and is what will carry you beyond the greatest humanly suffering. 

Nothing is more valued than love, the love you gave and shared, the love expressed from the grace of your fingertips, the love you fed to the mouth of your Beloved.

 Nothing is more precious than this Holy exchange in the Temple of the Body.

 Regret will only fill you if you had not loved, a denial of experiences lost to the delusion that we were once separate. 

 But rejoice in these moments when two hearts beat as one, where two rivers of blood join into a more beautiful color of red.

Oh Beloved! Nothing is more sacred than the moments you share with the Goddess she,

 a rare Oasis for your thirst. 

Celebrate the vibrating chalice that is the resting place for your hidden secrets, for the stories you will never speak.

Drink from the fountain of my soft trickle and I will feed the inner asking of your desire and tell you legends between my soft and womanly legs.

 Every man needs a woman I say, yet not every man deserves or appreciates her subtle Grace. 

A sweet honey comb home to lick when the world is much too sour. She, A sacred cave, taste this when your heart is filled with bitterness. 

She is the reminder that life is a tranquil purity.

Take Solace in the Damp Retreat, always awaiting your return, a place for your rest and worship, of nourishment.  Sow your seeds of life here, in this valley of grace, for She will always forgive you. Kali Ma! The Great Dark Mother, the Cosmic Womb in which we are born and will return again when we die. Allow my pussy to remind you of this, my darkness sucking you into deeper and deeper into your simple consciousness, the I am, We Are, You, I, Am Forever.

Om Tara! Never-ending compassion and forgiveness beckons you near. Face her with eyes of truth and you will be granted her Love. For she Sees that the Shadow is where the Greatest Light is Born. Sleep here, child, in the bosom of her love, and all will be repaired. Her great Soma of Wholeness will not deny any part of you, she pierces your suffering and mends it. Pray at her feet and your crown will be blessed with life.  A light so supreme radiates from her Eyes, all Untruths erased in Beauty, all Darkness cleansed in the Truth of Love. So much lost in the realm of Samsara, but in the arms of the mother, we realize there is nothing to be gained but the humility of surrender.

 I write these words Beloved, to You, so that you may meet me here, in the land of the All-Pervading Bliss of Our Pure Essence. I lay still here, no Kriyas of action, for no action will produce the fruits that silence will bear.  Listen with me here, put your ear to my luminous Tomb, where Death is the Road to Awe, where we once again Return to Her. Great Mother, carry me home, to the waters of the Infinite. Fill me with your oceanic depths of truth, touch my scared body, that only tells of my pain, and release me from the bondage of suffering. This journey is great, and I travel only with a sips of your nectar-filled grace. Fill my cup, o Great Supreme, soften my edges, i wish to reunite with you, to no longer look in places of limited desire, but to seek the Supreme Truth of Your One-ness, oh Holy Majesty, I bow to thee. I am yours. Set me free.